When someone is in a relationship, it could be crystal clear that it is hard for them to connect to how they feel. Up until this point, it might not have even occurred to them that this was the case.
Or, if they were aware that this was a challenge for them, it might not have stood out in the same way. As a result of this, this might not have been something that absorbed too much of their attention.
A Different Experience
As they were not in a relationship until this point, they might not have needed to be in tune with their feelings. When it came to their job and spending time with their friends, for instance, they might not have faced such issues.
Thus, their way of being wouldn’t have caused them any difficulties or given them the need to change themselves. So, even if they did think ahead at the beginning of the relationship, there wouldn’t have been a reason for them to be concerned about how they are.
Ready to Go
At the start of the relationship, they may have believed that they were ready to go down the path of emotional intimacy. However, as time passed, their belief in their own readiness may have started to diminish.
Alternatively, they may have just wondered what was going on; finding it hard to understand why they are this way. Either way, this area of their life is going to be far harder than it needs to be.
When it comes to their partner, they could have a strong mental and physical connection with them, but the other part of their being, their heart, won’t be fully on board. This doesn’t mean that they won’t feel anything towards them; it is likely to mean that this part of them won’t always be online, so to speak.
Moreover, they may find that it is often easier for them to feel things for their partner when they are not in their company. Being this way might not have caused too many problems earlier on, but as time passed, this may have started to have a negative effect on the relationship.
For one thing, not having a good connection with themselves will prevent them from fully being in the relationship. What this will do is make it hard for the relationship to progress.
Furthermore, not having a strong emotional connection to their partner could create uncertainty in them too and this could cause them to hold back. The part of them that would lock them in, their heart, will rarely be there to guide and support them.
There is then going to be the impact that their behaviour has on their partner. Their partner could believe that they are not really into them and question if the relationship will last.
The reason for this is that they won’t be receiving the emotional feedback that they need.
A State Of Confusion
After thinking about what is going on and their inability to stay connected to how they feel, they may often be angry and confused. They can be angry about what is going on and confused about why they feel this way.
It could go even further, though, and one could start to criticise themselves and end up feeling very low. If this takes place, it will be important for them to reflect on the fact that they are not consciously choosing to be this way.
Although being this way is causing them, and their partner, problems, it is likely to be what feels safe. In other words, being in tune with their emotional self, and expressing how they feel, will be seen as a threat to their very survival.
This may illustrate that something traumatic has happened in their adult life or it could go back to what happened during their childhood or adolescent years. If it goes back to their early years, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected by someone.
To handle the pain that they were in, they would have had to disconnect from their emotional self. Losing touch with this part of them would have also meant that they lost touch with their body.
One would have gone from being connected to themselves to living on the surface of themselves. Now that they are an adult, their body could be in a frozen, seized up state, which will prevent them from being able to operate as a whole human being.
With this in mind, there are going to be a number of things that they will need to do to change their life. They will need to look into and change what they believe will happen if they were to connect to their feelings and if they were to express them.
Another important part of this process will be for them to work through the pain that is held in their body, so that they can become a more integrated human being. By working through this pain, it will make it easier for them to handle how they feel and to stay connected to their body.
If you can relate to this, and you’re ready to change their life, you may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
About the author: Author, transformational writer, teacher, and consultant Oliver JR Cooper hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness.
By Oliver JR Cooper