Leaders often overestimate how good they are at being empathetic. Per the 2024 State of Workplace Empathy Report: A Game Plan, “55% of CEOs think they lead [with] empathy at work, but only 28% of employees and 22% of HR share that view.” During another leadership workshop, one participant said: “I don’t feel comfortable listening to people’s feelings like a therapist. I’ve tried it with my staff; I don’t feel authentic, and it didn’t come across well.”
Empathy is a non-negotiable for leaders, and the stakes are high for a leader who fails to embrace and model it. Dismissing empathy can result in negative consequences, including a toxic workplace, low morale, poor retention, and burnout. For leaders, it can result in failure to connect, inability to gather information, or being perceived as inaccessible. For my participant who struggled to demonstrate empathy, his 360 feedback revealed his leadership style was “too brusque” bordering on “aggressive,” which explained in part why his staff were reluctant to share information and ideas with him.
Leadership is about achieving results through other people, and empathy is a requisite to mobilize, connect with, and engage others. Here are six strategies leaders can use to get empathy right at work.
Develop an empathy protocol.
Without a clear definition, empathy could mean anything (or nothing), which influences how a leader practices it (or doesn’t). My CEO client and his leadership team valued empathy in principle, but viewing it as “indulgence” or “therapy” made them wary in practice.
Create a shared understanding of empathy for your organization or team—what it is, how it adds value, and how it will be behaviorally expressed in your environment.
Be other-focused.
Many of us have experienced a leader (or conversational partner) who engages with a concern by anchoring it in their own experience.
This happened to a client of mine, Allana (all names have been changed), who attempted to share with her boss how difficult she found it to keep a lot of data in her head while experiencing “menopause memory.” She wanted to provide context for why she was taking longer to process certain information. Her boss spent the next 45 minutes discussing her own journey through menopause, which was entirely different from Allana’s.
This kind of reaction often doesn’t land the way we mean it to. Allana was frustrated. This is where empathy in action is more about being instead of doing.
Balance individual and group needs.
When leaders focus too much on individuals’ emotional experiences, they risk dropping the ball when it comes to broader organizational issues, like team performance and strategic decision-making.
Nathalia, a senior partner in a law firm, wanted to be there for her colleague Mia, but her over-identification with Mia’s feelings led her to over-effort in implementing solutions. She inadvertently stopped directing the team, causing resentment, confusion, and accusations of favoritism, ultimately requiring repair.
Facilitate support instead of taking over.
If someone is struggling, it’s tempting to try to solve their problems. Nathalia felt enmeshed in Mia’s problem with a difficult member of staff (who had reported Mia to HR), so Nathalia zealously confronted the person, HR, and other staff. Nathalia neither asked Mia what support she wanted, nor was able to focus on what she or her team needed after this emotional intervention.
A hindsight exercise reviewed how Nathalia could have supported Mia by identifying together what she needed and then facilitating access to this support.
Model boundary-setting.
Leaders face endless demands requiring empathy: building partnerships, supporting staff health, demonstrating sensitivity and compassion, inspiring and motivating, creating growth, and more. Heavy investment in others’ emotions can result in overwhelm, burnout, impaired decision-making, reduced effectiveness, or even what research calls empathic distress: “the desire to withdraw from a situation in order to protect oneself from excessive negative feelings.”
Leaders are also expected to display a combination of vulnerability and courage. Out of balance, this can mean revealing too much about personal struggles or emotions, blurring professional boundaries, and muddying the perception of the leader as a reliable authority figure. One of my clients, Kris, a tech VP, didn’t know how to balance being an “accessible” and “empathic” leader with what he needed: focus time. He was always available and became exhausted from not protecting his time or energy. We identified some simple fixes: Scheduling uninterrupted time, working from home on certain days, and delegating meetings allowed him to remain accessible and empathic while securing his needs.
Healthy boundary-setting is often hindered by guilt, people-pleasing, or fear of conflict, leading to overcommitment and unclear personal limits.
Update your language to connect.
When someone talks about their feelings or experiences, especially if they are negative, it’s tempting to try to make things better by using phrases like: “I know exactly how you feel,” “It’ll all be okay,” or “You’re going to be fine.” The trouble is we cannot know exactly how someone else feels or accurately predict that things will be okay.
Read the full article by Palena Neale / Harvard Business Review
